I turned 50 early last year and, boy, was it an interesting year!
At my birthday dinner with my girlfriends, one of them said that she thought something significant was going to happen in my 50th year. She turned out to be right, and, I’d say many significant things happened. 😊
- I published my book
- I visited France with my eldest daughter
- It dawned on me that I might actually have ADHD
The last point was huge!
My interest in ADHD started when my little brother was a toddler. He had so much energy and was constantly on the move. As is often the case, it was quite evident that he was different to other little boys and this led to his ADHD diagnosis. So, I grew up watching him and listening to him talking about his frustrations at school. School was not an easy place for him and this made me sad.
My brother was born when I was in Grade 3. This was a significant year for me in many ways:
1. I loved my teacher, Miss Lalor, and really believed I was her favourite.
2. My brother was born prematurely and my mum spent many weeks in hospital before he finally arrived.
3. I made the decision to become a teacher to be just like Miss Lalor.
However, I also recall Grade 3 being a challenging year. I was in the bottom reading and maths group. I was often picked on by some of the girls in my year level. I missed my Mum when she was in hospital and this resulted in me lying to my class during show and tell, saying she had had a baby girl, named Anna, many weeks before my brother was actually born. I even wrote about my new baby sister in my writing journal in class. I got found out when, at a swimming carnival, Miss Lalor congratulated my dad on the safe arrival of his new baby and he told her that my Mum was still in hospital waiting to give birth. 😓
In high school I was a chatty student. However, I was diligent at completing my assignments and HW, and I was always respectful to my teachers. I was also punctual and always bought the correct materials to class. Doesn’t sound like ADHD does it?
Since publishing my book, and speaking with other neurodiverse woman, I have realised that I do actually have many ADHD characteristics. It is known that neurodiversity is usually inherited, and runs in families, but I wasn’t like my little brother. And, I wasn’t a problem student. What I have discovered is that, because I’m a people pleaser and I don’t like getting into trouble, I have worked really hard all of my life developing strategies to ensure that I was on time, organised and reliable.
I am starting to think that schools were much easier environments for ADHD girls in the 80s: schools were built with individual classrooms and walls to limit the amount of noise and other distractions, there was no technology, no social media and teachers who were less stressed. I wonder if this is the reason why many middle-aged females like myself, are now figuring out that they have ADHD? The world has changed so much that the strategies we used in the past, whilst still working for us in many cases, actually aren’t effective all the time because the environment is too busy, loud, distracting and stressful. It overstimulates our brains!
I now realise that neurotypical people have quiet brains; that they don’t have a constant running commentary in their brain ALL THE TIME, that they don’t feel the need to share heaps of detail when telling a story, and they are OK with silences in conversations and don’t feel the need to talk to fill the quiet.
I have also realised that my need to please others and not let others down is linked to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which has only recently been identified as a common characteristic of ADHD. This is the reason for my diligent usage of my school diary in high school, and the reason I arrive half an hour early so that I’m not one second late. Also, I have always used reminders so that I don’t forget things and let people down.
Despite conducting years of research into ADHD, most of which was based on the male presentation of ADHD, I failed to recognise it in myself. You see, females don’t fit the same ADHD mould! It is also important to note that everyone is different, and no two people are the same, even if they are both neurodiverse. Also, I have developed very good strategies to mask my symptoms but, I always felt bad about my inability to shut up and listen intently to others. My entire life has been spent wishing I hadn’t talked too much, too fast, interrupted others, and shared too much.
So, what next?
I’m beginning the process of getting a diagnosis so that I can advocate even more effectively for the ADHD students we have in our schools.
